


soft to be strong

by chapter_61



Series: COC 2019 [9]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2019, DEC 3 - Pattern, Day 9: Pattern, M/M, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21660463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chapter_61/pseuds/chapter_61
Summary: “Thank you,” Agatha says to Simon once they’re alone.Simon frowns at her. “For what?”She pulls her legs up on the bench and hugs them close. Then she looks at Simon sideways. “For coming to save me, despite me telling you not to.”
Relationships: Simon Snow & Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: COC 2019 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553623
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50
Collections: Agatha Wellbelove fics, Carry On Countdown 2019





	soft to be strong

“Thank you,” Agatha says to Simon once they’re alone.

Simon frowns at her. “For what?”

She pulls her legs up on the bench and hugs them close. Then she looks at Simon sideways. “For coming to save me, despite me telling you not to.”

He frowns harder and moves closer so their sides are touching. “Agatha, of course we came. You’re our friend and you were clearly-”

“That’s not true,” she interrupts him, guilt settling in her stomach. “I wasn’t your friend. I ignored you after I moved here and I didn’t want you to come see me. I would be dead if it weren’t for you, and it would be my fault because I’m the one who cut the ties. If I hadn’t-”

“Agatha,” Simon cuts her off with a hand on her right arm. “Agatha, listen. Was it rude of you not to call? Yes. Did I miss you? Yes. But I understood, okay?”

She can feel her eyes prickling with tears already but she wills them back.

Simon continues: “I understand. If I didn’t have Penny and Baz with me every day, I probably would’ve run too. What happened at Watford was scary, terrifying, and many things changed. But that’s life, things change. You just have to change with them.”

Agatha sniffs and dares a look to her right, where Simon’s blue eyes stare at her. Then, his eyes turn downwards and he frowns again.

“Seems like you just realised something for yourself, huh?” Agatha says, voice thick.

“Yeah,” Simon nods, his eyes meeting hers again. “Think so.”

She burrows into his side, and Simon pulls his arm around her shoulders. It’s been a while since she’s been touched this way. She wonders if it’s the same for Simon.

“How’s Baz?”

Simon sighs. “Yeah, that’s what I just realised. I really need to talk to him soon.”

Agatha hums in agreement. Then, “Do you love him?”

“I really, _really_ do.”

“Start with that, then.”

“Yeah, I should.”

They’re quiet for a moment. The others are still getting supplies from a small convenience store by the gas station nearby.

Agatha suddenly lets out a small laugh.

“What is it?” Simon asks.

“Magic separates us from the world. May nothing separate us from each other,” she quotes.

“Watford’s slogan.”

“Yes. I can’t believe how true it is. It’s actually funny, I’ve spent years trying to get away from it all, trying to run away from magic, but I couldn’t. Because magic separates us from the world. I couldn’t live, couldn’t survive, without this magickal world, no matter how much I wanted to.”

Simon doesn’t say anything, so she continues. “And you. Your whole life at Watford has been about your magic, and then it gets taken from you. The one thing that made you special. And now you don’t know how to go on. You don’t know how to function in the Normal world.”

Simon takes a deep breath next to her but stays quiet. Her words were probably too harsh, but she figures he needs to hear it.

“You let it separate you and Baz.” She turns and meets his eyes. He’s biting his lip, and if he still had magic, he’d be on his way to go off. But he doesn’t have it anymore. “You let this loss take over your life. But it’s still you, Simon. You’re not worth anything less without magic. It’s still _you_.”

Simon starts to scowl, but halfway through his eyes begin to water. His mouth forms a sad smile and he brings up a hand to hide his face in. “I don’t know, Agatha,” he says with a small voice. “Who am I, without… without my magic? I don’t… I’m not the same anymore. People treat me differently. I miss how I was before. I miss my magic. I miss Baz,” his voice cracks.

Now Agatha starts crying too. “Oh, Simon,” she says, as she twists around and pulls him into a hug. He starts sobbing on her shoulder and she has to hold on tight to suppress her own tears. “You’re still the same, love. Baz knows that. You just need a little time.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay again,” Simon confesses between sobs. “It fucking sucks.”

It makes her laugh slightly. “You’ll get there.”

She tightens her hold on him for a second, and then lets go and backs off a little. Simon sniffs a few times and rubs a hand over his face. He looks terrible, but that’s what she’d expect from someone after a sobfest like that. There’s probably snot all over her shoulder, but then, she also cried over Simon’s jacket, so they’re even.

When he’s composed himself again, Simon says, “Thanks, Ag. I needed that.”

She smiles at him and squeezes his hand once. “Me too. And I’m sorry about your magic.”

“Thanks,” he says again.

“You know,” she says after a while. “If there was a way, I would gladly give you my magic. I’m walking around with all this magic I don’t want, while you miss yours but you don’t have any. A cruel twist of fate, if you’d ask me.”

Simon exhales a tiny laugh. “Thank Merlin we’re not dating anymore. The universe wouldn’t know what to do with us.”

“Thank Merlin and Morgana, indeed.”


End file.
